So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
