youre lurking in front of me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
