Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
