I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
