hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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