Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
