The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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