get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I party with great urgency now.
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