Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
