I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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