Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
