That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
