I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We got so high we made milksteak
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
