So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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