dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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