We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
