Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
