I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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