help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
pray to the hookup gods
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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