There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
