Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
