2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
