Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
