I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
