wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
