I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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