Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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