I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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