i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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