I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
