the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
