So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
