Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
