I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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