I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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