I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
did you just send me my own nude
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
