Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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