i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
