I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
