Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
