Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
