There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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