I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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