At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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