You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
