I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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