Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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