God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
