It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
