how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
