In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
